


Waterfall

by jojo_sain



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Flashback, Hurt/Comfort, Lost!Toni, Protective!Shelby, hella angst, post-season 1 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:06:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28422906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojo_sain/pseuds/jojo_sain
Summary: Toni's not dumb. When she hears word that the big alarm was due to an 'allergen problem', she knows it has to be Shelby. While she grapples with the question of why she would do that to herself, she remembers one of their last nights on the island.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 16
Kudos: 346





	Waterfall

**Author's Note:**

> Hi folks! Welcome to my first Wilds fic. It's mostly based around episode 10, but I do leave a lot of vagueness around the shark attack and such. I'll leave that up to your imagination :)
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy 'Waterfalls'!

Hunger.

That was all Toni could feel.

The treacherous tug of hunger swallowed the void that was her stomach. It was like seeing an unwelcome friend. She hadn’t felt hunger this bad in weeks. In fact, she hadn’t felt hungry at all since they were saved and brought to this concrete compound that looked like it came straight out of an X-Men movie.

Time blurred, but Toni could tell the night and day apart by the lights. When the sun was up, they kept the lights on. When night fell, they killed the lights, enticing a most restless bunch into the cold embrace of sleep. Most of the time Toni was too high strung from a day of doing nothing, and she would lie there in the darkness, staring at the ceiling with nothing but her memories to keep her company.

Which is what made last night so weird.

* * *

_ The lights went out as usual. Toni was preparing for another sleepless night when a blaring siren broke the silence. Suddenly, the dark walls were spotted in red, flashing lights. Toni shot up in her bed, her heart rate climbing from the scare. She jumped off the bed and ran to the door, trying to catch sight of something, anything that could explain the alarm. Through the foggy peephole, she saw two figures sprint down the hall, and that was it. _

_ Frustrated by the lack of clarity, she banged her fist once against the metal door. Despite having done nothing for days, that one action drained her of any and all energy. Maybe it was the mind-numbing screech of the siren ringing in her ears, maybe it was a true testament to her self-induced sleep deprivation. Or maybe she now realized just how draining it was to harbor anger. She’d let go of it for some time. She forgot how exhausting it was. _

_ Giving up on trying to understand the alarm, Toni ambled back to her bed and layed down. Whatever was happening was clearly not an easy fix because the alarm stayed on indefinitely. Weirdly enough, Toni found the blasting noise soothing. If she closed her eyes and let the sounds blur together, it almost sounded like the repeated smacking of falling water against the pond. _

_ Toni couldn’t say when the alarm finally stopped, for she fell into a deep sleep, fueled by the exhaustion of rage and the synthetic sound of a waterfall. _

* * *

When the lights came on this morning, Toni was brought back to her bleak reality. With a resigned sigh, she sat up and reached for the nightstand without thinking. However, where she expected to find her breakfast she found nothing. 

_ That’s weird, _ she thought. Every morning since they’d arrived, there was always a bowl of oatmeal or off-brand cereal on the nightstand before she woke up. She was unsure of what to make of it not being there. She wondered if it could be linked to the alarm from the night before. Those narks in suits seemed so keen on making them comfortable, she found it hard to believe they would deny them their daily bread.

_ Daily bread _ , she internally scoffed. On the outside, she failed to suppress a small smirk. Even when she hadn’t heard that trademark Texan drawl in days, its words still found a way to permeate her thoughts.  _ Fucking annoying. _

A rumble in her stomach cut her train of thought. She’d gotten used to being fed, and now her body expected it. Hunger was never pleasant, even before the island, but now it just reminded her of those days she went without food. Being full kept her from reminiscing on those dark days. The last thing she needed was an emotional meltdown on top of being hungry.

She rolled out of bed and slumped over to the door. There was a bell on the wall, and she was told to ring it if she ever needed anything. Toni pressed her lips into a thin line, pondering on how two months ago she would have been too prideful to ever use that button. Now, however, was an entirely different time.

She jabbed the button with her thumb. It made an elevator-fire-alarm ring while she held it down for a few seconds. Then, she pulled her hand back and waited. Seconds passed, then minutes. Eventually, a figure walked by her door, and the hatch on the door unlocked. Standing in the doorway was one of the interrogators. Agent Young, Toni vaguely remembered was his name.

“Good morning, Toni.” He said the perfunctory pleasantry with little to no emotion. “Was there something you needed?”

“Yeah, where’s the food?” she quipped, her annoyance growing with her hunger. 

Agent Young paused, a twinge of emotion briefly flashing across his eyes. “There was an incident concerning the kitchen last night,” he explained monotonously. “There will be a slight delay this morning while the staff is being briefed.”

“Briefed on what? How to not burn the toast?” Toni was getting riled up again, though a good night’s sleep left her energy tank full enough for the onslaught of emotions. She set her jaw and hitched her chin at the stoic agent. “Is that what the alarm was about last night, huh? You guys tryna poison us or some shit?”

“Of course not,” Young assured her, holding up one of his hands as if it would somehow calm her down. “But the details of last night's alarm are classified.”

“Classified?!” Toni laughed out like the word itself was the poison. “That’s my fucking food you're talking about! I’d like to know if you’re planning on slipping arsenic into my fucking breakfast!”

Agent Young maintained his composure, waiting a moment for Toni to catch her breath. Despite being a seemingly steeled man, he relented, “There is no poison, but there are certain allergens that the kitchen staff was not made aware of in respect to some of the victims’ reactions.”

_ Allergens? _

“We are doing a more comprehensive search of the kitchen to ensure your safety,” he continued, though Toni’s mind had stopped on that one word. “But we will bring out food as soon as–”

Toni slammed the door in his face.

She didn’t need to hear anymore. She may have been a jump-the-gun kind of kid, but that was only because her mind could move at a million miles a minute. Out of the eight of them, there was only one person she knew had any allergies. Even if she tried to convince herself it could have been anyone else, there was nothing that could guarantee it wasn’t Shelby.

Her stomach growled again. Her growing hunger combined with the image of a radiant smile brought her back to the island…

* * *

_ There was one upside to being on the island–the views were utterly gorgeous. When the sun went down, and the night grew quiet, the stillness gave way to the most surreal sight of all: the starry night sky. _

_ Toni couldn’t sleep. If she was being honest, she really didn’t want to be asleep lest she misses the speckled canvas of the black night. It reminded her of home. Before she moved in with Martha, she would spend most nights outside, alone in the dark, with no companions but the stars in the sky. Now, with a whole world between her and the city lights of civilization, the stars looked even brighter than before. _

_ She glanced around the camp, seeing everyone else missing out on this beautiful sight in exchange for a few hours of crappy sleep. Well, all but one. To her right, eyes wide open and staring straight up at the sky was none other than Shelby. _

_ The corner of Toni’s mouth tugged into a smirk. She never would’ve pegged Shelby for a night person, always being one of the first ones awake and thriving in the sunlight. But here she was, zoning out in the dead of night. _

_ Toni sat up and slid a little closer to Shelby, leaving a respectable amount of room to make sure the ladder was comfortable. Shelby flinched at the movement in her peripheral vision, but her body relaxed almost completely once she realized it was Toni.  _ Almost _ completely. Meaning something was weighing heavily on her mind. _

_ “Hey,” said Toni as she carefully leaned back against the same piece of driftwood as Shelby. _

_ “Hey,” she mumbled her reply. “Couldn’t sleep?” _

_ “Nah.” Toni stretched her arms behind her and rested her head on her hands. Shelby resumed her entranced gaze at the sky, and Toni couldn’t help but feel a little concerned. “What about you?” she asked. “Everything okay?” _

_ “Just got a lot on my mind, is all.” _

_ Toni didn’t press for further explanation. This island was always making someone think, whether it was about the graveness of their situation or the brutal hellscape that was their old lives. There was a silent agreement amongst all of them that probing questions were off the table. However, by sitting with her in silence, Toni was letting Shelby know that she would listen if she did want to share what was on her mind. _

_ A moment passed, and all one could hear was the rise and crash of the waves. That was until Shelby finally ended the radio static. _

_ “Did I ever tell you about the star?” she asked, glancing over at Toni and flicking her head at the sky. _

_ Toni shook her head no, and Shelby continued. _

_ “Back home I had this boyfriend.” Shelby couldn’t hide an embarrassed laugh. Toni knew about the allusive Andrew, but even she cringed. “For our anniversary, he bought me a star and named it after me.” _

_ “Geez, a star,” Toni chuckled, faking an impressed tone. “I didn’t realize that was the standard. I’m gonna have to up my game.” _

_ That coaxed a throaty laugh from Shelby, and she playfully shoved Toni in the side. Her hand lingered on Toni’s waist, remaining there subconsciously until gravity inevitably broke the connection. _

_ “I thought it was so cute,” Shelbey went on, reminiscing with a hint of derision in her voice. “Lookin' back, it’s honestly one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.”  _

_ Toni’s smile faltered at her shift in tone. Shelby didn’t talk about her home life much beyond the parts that were picture-perfect. Toni didn’t want to make any assumptions, but she could make a reasonable guess on how much of Shelby’s true feelings were hidden from the world. Right now, in this moment, Toni couldn’t read her expression, and she briefly understood how the rest of the world felt. _

_ “It was just some cardstock certificate designed to look official so I could feel like I owned a star,” Shelby finished her story on an unsatisfactory note. She shrugged her shoulders, and her eyes seemed to stare up at the sky without actually looking. “I guess I was just wonderin' how I ever fell for something so ridiculous. Something so obviously not what it seems.” _

_ Toni lowered one of her arms and slowly rested her hand over Shelby’s. In response, she could feel Shelby’s fingers curl around hers. Her skin felt like ice, and Toni softly squeezed her hand in the hopes of both warming it up and reassuring Shelby. What she was reassuring her of, she couldn’t exactly say. _

_ Shelby rolled over, fitting herself right up against Toni’s side and bringing her other hand to join their already interlocked fingers. Toni thought from the way her breathing quieted and the way she leaned her head on her shoulder that Shelby was going to sleep. She was going to follow her lead, closing her eyes and letting the night go, when she felt Shelby’s warm breath whisper against her ear: _

_ “Don’t say anything. Just follow me.” _

* * *

_ Shelby had snagged Dot’s penlight before rushing into the forest. The darkness on the beach paled in comparison to the darkness under the trees. If it wasn’t for the penlight, the pair would have been stumbling over roots and smacking into tree branches. Toni worried the light may give away their location to nocturnal predators, but she found a sick sense of comfort knowing they could easily be hunted even if they didn’t have the penlight. _

_ Toni had no idea where they were headed. She couldn’t ask as per Shelby's instructions. She trusted Shelby enough to follow her, though she was wracking her brain trying to figure out how this was somehow related to Shelby’s ambiguous star revelation. It was just as likely that Shelby was leading her to a spontaneous rendezvous as it was the edge of a lethal cliff.  _

_ Either way, Toni was curious, to say the least. _

_ It was a few minutes before Toni heard the familiar crashing of a waterfall. Shelby walked through a gap in the trees and into the clearing of the pond. She turned around to check that Toni was still behind her, flashing a quick smile to see that she was. Then, she took an odd route around the edge of the pond toward the waterfall. Toni hesitated, wondering only briefly what the hell was going through her head, but she was snapped out of it when she saw Shelby approach the side of the waterfall and then, as if by magic, disappear behind the falling water. _

_ Toni blinked, dumbstruck, before finding her feet again and following suit. Mindful of her surroundings, she stumbled through the darkness towards the waterfall and found a slim opening between the hill and the water. She entered and found herself in a small cave hidden under the water. The damp stone reflected a faint blue color as if the moon shone through the water and bounced off the cave walls. In the middle of it all was Shelby, watching the water cascade in front of her with an apprehensive look. _

_ “Wow,” Toni said, walking over to stand beside her. “This is kinda awesome.” _

_ “Yeah,” Shelby mumbled, but Toni could barely hear it. The crashing of the water was filling the space. “It’s also loud as heck in here, which is perfect.” _

_ “Perfect for what?” Toni was becoming more and more confused by the second. Why would it be perfect for them to have to scream just to hear each other? _

_ “Leah and I found this place,” Shelby explained, keeping her voice just loud enough for Toni to hear her. “We think it’s safe to talk here without being heard.” _

_ “Heard by who?” Toni didn’t understand this situation at all. “Shelby, what’s going on?” _

_ What boggled her mind even more was the mention of Leah. Don’t get her wrong, Leah’s theories had picked up traction with the group after the whole Nora incident. Details were still fuzzy, and the level of belief varied from person to person. Toni was along the lines of the ‘I’ll believe you enough not to cause any shit, just don’t hassle me’ kind of vibe. Shelby, it seemed, believed Leah a little more.  _

_ “After what went down with Nora,” Shelby began, her voice hitching at the memory. “We thought we might need a place where we could talk without being watched. We thought this might do the trick.” _

_ “Okay, Shelby, you’re starting to freak me out,” Toni chuckled half-heartedly, her voice shaking. She didn’t like being kept in the dark, and she really didn’t like the idea of someone she cared about getting worked up over some loose theories. And yet, Shelby didn’t seem worked up. In fact, she seemed to possess a level of clarity that evaded Toni. _

_ And that only made Toni’s kindling frustration grow. _

_ “Toni, how did you hear about this Dawn of Eve thing?” Shelby asked out of nowhere.  _

_ “I dunno, Martha’s mom heard of it from a telemarketer or something,” Toni answered, her agitation settled momentarily. “She thought it would be good for Martha, and I said I’d go with.” _

_ “What did you and Martha think you signed up for?”  _

_ “What’s with all the questions?” _

_ “Just answer it, Toni.” Shelby’s tone wasn’t stern or demanding. She sounded tired if nothing else, tired of this island and tired of existing in the fine line between knowing and not knowing. Toni’s aggression dialed back even more. _

_ “Some weekend getaway for female empowerment.” Toni paused. “What’d you think it was?” _

_ Shelby hesitated, her eyes flickering between Toni and the water until she eventually settled her gaze on her shoes.  _

_ “My daddy told me that’s what it was,” she said, fidgeting with her cross. “But he says a lot of other things, too.” _

_ Toni looked at Shelby, concern laced in her features. Her dad was a fresh topic. When someone doesn’t talk about something, it generally means the topic comes with pain. Very slowly, Toni raised her hand towards Shelby’s, delicately touching her fingers. It was Shelby who actually took hold of Toni’s hand, accepting the offer. She needed the strength for this. _

_ “He knew I was…” Shelby swallowed hard, still unable to bring herself to say it out loud. Back home they had all these fluffy euphemisms like ‘temptation’ or ‘way of being’, and Shelby was still in the process of filtering all of that prejudiced crap from her head. Toni squeezed her hand to tell her she got the idea, letting Shelby pick up where she needed. “He was the only one who knew, and he had this way of tellin’ me that if something could be fixed, it would be worth the pain.”  _

_ A breath caught in her throat, making her pause before adding, “I think he was plannin’ on sendin’ me somewhere to have me ‘fixed’.” _

_ Toni clenched her jaw, her blood beginning to boil.  _ Fixed?! _ The fuck was that supposed to mean?! There was nothing fucking wrong with her, and Toni would deck anyone who says otherwise. _

_ But Toni held her tongue. Shelby didn’t need her to fight. Right now, it seemed like she just needed someone to listen. _

_ “It was gonna happen this summer.” Shelby cleared her throat, trying to get rid of whatever lump was making talking so difficult. “And the more I think about it, the more I know he wouldn’t have suggested this retreat unless he knew it was conducive towards–ya know…” She gripped Toni’s hand a little harder. “I don’t think a retreat is what he had in mind.” _

_ Toni bit her lip, fighting back the rage-driven tears that threatened to fill her eyes. “What are you saying, Shelby?” _

_ Shelby finally turned to her, and suddenly the tragic recalling of her home life no longer affected her. All Toni could read on her face was cynical curiosity. “Don’t you find it weird that we were all put on this retreat for very different issues?”  _

_ No, she didn’t. She didn’t have the energy to think up such mysteries for herself. As far as she cared, the retreat was a bust, and this island was the present venue. Everything else was secondary. _

_ “Maybe,” Toni shrugged, deciding to go along with it. _

_ “If this is some piece in a bigger scheme, and we were put here for a reason, there could be cameras everywhere,” Shelby went on, pacing into the cave and back again. Her breathing picked up and the next words came out in breathy sputters. “Toni, people could be watchin’ us, watchin’ you and…” _

_ Her panting escalated until she sounded like she was on the verge of a panic attack. Toni sprung into action, deftly settling her hands over Shelby’s forearms and grounding her with the physical touch. Shelby’s restless shuffling ceased as Toni pulled her closer into their own little bubble, and their foreheads gravitated towards one another. _

_ “Hey, hey, hey,” Toni soothed, rubbing Shelby’s arms in slow, gentle movements. She didn’t fully understand the situation, but she did understand Shelby was scared of something, and she wasn’t having that. “Whatever’s going on on this island, if we’re being watched or something, I promise I’ll stay right here.” As Shelby calmed down, Toni added with a reassuring smirk, “No one’s gonna hurt you.” _

_ Shelby let out a deep breath, and her outburst seemed to expel with that breath. She looked Toni dead in the eye, a look that made Toni’s throat go dry. “But someone could hurt you,” Shelby said in a low voice. “And I couldn’t live with myself if you were hurt because of me.” _

_ The change in tone threw Toni off guard. The tide completely shifted. Now, Shelby was the one holding Toni as if she was shielding away the world. It instilled in Toni the nervous energy Shelby was exuding just a second ago. _

_ “Toni, listen to me closely,” Shelby stated, her expression stern but gentle. “This is it for you and me.” _

What?!

_ Toni’s whole body went frigid. How the heck did they go from an odd conversation about the stars to the end of the one good thing Toni found on this water-logged hellverse. _

_ “Whatever happens after this, I don’t want anyone using us against each other.” Shelby’s rationalization brought Toni back to her senses.  _

_ “Shelby, this isn’t some goddamn comic-book-vengeance scheme–!” _

_ “We don’t know what it is, Toni!” Shelby countered, her voice cracking from some deep, buried emotion. “But I’m not willing to let anyone else get hurt because I wasn’t careful!” _

_ Toni wanted to scream. She wanted to protest, fight against this conversation, against Shelby, the Island–anything! But all she could do was lean in and kiss her. Perhaps that was her way of fighting. Wrap her arms around Shelby, press against her, and somehow convey just how desperately she would work to keep this thing between them. _

_ For a moment, Shelby returned the sentiment. Toni could feel it in the way she cupped her face and pulled her in as much as she could. And yet, it was over all too soon. Shelby pulled away, the strategic gleam returning to her eye. _

_ “I want you to leave,” she stated, actively fighting back the emotion in her voice. “Get out of here and look pissed as hell. Give ‘em a show, and make ‘em think we’re done.” _

_ She couldn’t even look Toni in the eye, and that’s what killed her most. “Can’t we talk about this?!” _

_ “It has to be now,” Shelby countered. “We don’t know how much longer we’re gonna be stuck here–” _

_ “This doesn’t make any fucking sense–” _

_ “Do you trust me?” _

_ Toni froze, her own words seemingly thrown back in her face as fiercely as possible, and yet with the softest voice. “Yeah,” she answered earnestly. _

_ “Then trust me on this, okay?” Shelby held onto her shoulders tightly, a small smile tugging at her lips. In a voice barely above a whisper, she graciously, “You didn’t do anything wrong.” _

_ Toni didn’t know when she started crying, but that certainly didn’t make it any less avoidable. That she didn't fuck something up was news to her. She had a habit of destroying things, good things, and she couldn’t help but feel like she did something to bring this on. And goddamnit, Shelby knew exactly what to fucking say to make sure she didn’t implode. _

_ Shelby brushed a thumb under Toni’s eye, rubbing away the tear streak from her sunburnt skin. _

_ “This is my way of protectin’ you.” _

* * *

Toni slumped against the wall, the coarse concrete scratching her back through the cheap sweatshirt as she slowly slid to the floor. She could see the stupid food buzzer out of the corner of her eye, and the cogs in her brain turned even more. They didn't bring out food unless it’s requested. The only way those ‘allergens’ could have wound up in  _ her _ food is if she asked for it.

_Fuck, why would she do that?!_ was the first of many questions racing through Toni’s mind. Why would she put herself in a situation where he could get hurt, suffocate, or even worse? Was it all a part of figuring out the scheme they were in or helping Leah get the upper hand in her quest to figure out why they were on the island? Toni had never felt so in the dark, not even on the shadow-infested island.

She pulled her knees into her chest and settled her chin atop of them. She couldn’t react, not if they were actually being watched. A reaction would put Shelby’s whole ‘deceive-and-distract’ initiative to waste. They were supposed to be over, done, broken like the sheet of water crashing against the rocks at the bottom of a cliff.

The only problem is they weren’t. That’s what killed Toni the most. The fact that somewhere out there, Shelby was suffering, putting herself through hell trying to break down the enemy, whoever the hell that was. In doing so, she was keeping her oath to protecting Toni, which was the biggest testament to them being far from over.

Tonu bawled her hands into fists and hid her face into arms. This was unfamiliar to her, being the protected rather than the protector. She felt useless, ignorant of the greater plots taking place, and anxious about Shelby’s involvement. And yet, some small, selfish part of her felt something she rarely felt: loved.

And if she ever falls down the rabbit hole of self-blame, she can bring herself back to the waterfall.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed that little pop-o-angst (its my specialty). Thanks so much for reading, let me know what you thought in the comments, and I hope you all have a beautiful day! -Jojo, who has now watched The Wilds 4 times and I'll probably watch it again.


End file.
